What Looking in the Mirror Taught Me About Letting Go of Other People’s Expectations
A practice for the day before the threshold
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about what it shifted for you.
Before you cross into the New Year, try this:
Find a mirror. Look at yourself.
Not to assess, judge, or fix. Just to see.
Hold your own gaze for a moment. Notice what arises.
For many of us, this is surprisingly difficult.
We are practiced at looking outward. We extend kindness readily, offer compassion easily, and see the goodness in others without hesitation. Turning that same attention toward ourselves is harder. We look away. We deflect. We find something to critique.
I did this practice yesterday, and when I held my own gaze, I noticed relief.
Relief from feeling I need to conform to what others want me to be. In work. In spiritual practices. In how I live my life. I do not owe anyone an explanation. I am myself.
The Pressure That Does Not End
We often think of peer pressure as something for teenagers.
It does not disappear with age. It changes form. The right job. The right car. The right vacation spots. The right way to spend leisure time. A whole host of social norms seek to shape us, control us, and tell us who we should be.
The older I get, the less I need approval from others.
In that freedom, I discovered something both powerful and intimate. When I choose how to live my own life, I am also choosing how to respond when I do not fit others’ expectations. Their expectations are theirs, not mine.
Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve. A threshold.
Before you make resolutions or set intentions, before you plan who you will become in 2026, pause to reflect on who you already are. Look at yourself. Say, silently or aloud: I see you. You are here. That is enough.
You do not need to conform. You do not need to explain.
You are yourself.
What do you notice when you hold your own gaze?
~ Jeffrey
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If you want to delve more deeply into this, I am launching the Rewilding the Soul EcoSpirituality Certificate at Cherry Hill Seminary in March 2026—a year-long journey exploring Earth kinship through contemplative practice. Learn more here.
In September 2026, I’m leading a contemplative walking retreat on France’s ancient Le Puy Camino, seven days of silence, movement, and practices for metabolizing what sitting cannot, in the most beautiful landscape you can imagine, on a 1,000-year-old pilgrimage path. Details here.
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